


Desert Lilies

by elfgirl931



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-05 08:30:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1811950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfgirl931/pseuds/elfgirl931
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of short works featuring Thane Krios and F!Shepard. Mostly Tumblr prompts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Desert Lilies

      Thane Krios was experiencing something he hadn’t felt in years: nervousness. Coolness, focus, and detachment had been his pattern for so long that it was strange to feel apprehension of any kind. And yet here he was, waiting at a little Nasara Ward cafe on the Citadel, and his heart had left its usual steady rhythm to dance a tune across his ribs. It was also strange that he was not there to monitor a target or to assassinate anyone - he was there for a date. Shepard  was supposed to arrive at any moment.

      He checked the bag at his feet for what felt like the hundredth time, and of course its precious cargo had not been disturbed. Annoyance washed over Thane suddenly - he was one of the galaxy’s most deadly assassins. He had faced hundreds who wanted him dead, survived impossible odds, and his body had barely experienced fear. Now, though, ask him to tell Shepard how he felt about her, and he turned back into a fumbling adolescent. That was how it was with her, though. She chipped at his control and turned his world upside down and he _liked_ it.

      Shepard walked in the door just then, her red hair catching his eye as it shone in the restaurant’s rustic lamplight. She scanned the room and found him almost immediately, without him having to wave at her. She began to wade between the tables towards him without waiting for the hostess to greet her. Thane smiled a little despite himself at her single-mindedness. When she reached the table, he stood up and kissed her hand, pleased with himself for researching the human custom. Shepard seemed to like it - her cheeks blushed red (similar to the way drell frills changed color, he’d learned) and she smiled widely at him.

       “Well, hello to you too, Thane,” she said as they sat down. “Sorry I’m late. I got a little held up.”

      “Any trouble?”

      “Not really. I’ll tell you about it later.”

      The waitress came and took their orders, and they settled into their usual mode of conversation: quiet, pleasant talk about anything and everything. Thane felt almost absurdly happy as he watched Shepard’s face light up as she chattered animatedly about the newest sniper eyepiece from Kassa Fabrications and the newest Blasto movie in production. This was what he’d wanted from this date - to help the cares and stresses of their mission melt off of her shoulders. Where she could just be Shepard and he could just be Thane, not the Commander and the subordinate assassin.

       When Shepard took his hand across the table and starting absently stroking his scales, Thane was reminded of his second goal in this particular outing, the one that wasn’t as easy. He put his other hand over hers and cleared his throat. “Shepard, there is something I wish to tell you.”

      “Okay,” she said uncertainly.

      Thane bent down and carefully removed the small clay pot from its bag and set it on the table. The flower blooming in the middle of it looked particularly breathtaking in the dim lantern light over their heads; the orange-yellow petals seemed to glow like firelight, and the crimson center with its gold dusting stood out beautifully.

       “This is a very rare flower from my homeworld. They are nearly extinct, but my people once had a tradition of exchanging them with someone to whom they feel… devoted.”

      “Thane, I’m honored,” Shepard said quietly. “But I don’t have anything to give to you.”

       “You are wrong, _Siha_. You have given me my life time and time again. You have given me back my son. You have woken me up from the sleep my soul was in.” He looked down at the table for a moment and then back into her eyes. “First I admired you. I have been in awe of you since we met. Then your compassion towards others and towards myself made my heart beat in a way that I thought I had lost. And without realizing I had done so, I have lost my heart to you.”

      Thane thought that by the end of this speech, he would feel embarrassed to have laid his soul so bare to her, but instead he simply felt free. Shepard, for her part, had tears brimming in her eyes. “You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet, Thane,” she said finally. She touched the flower petals gently with her fingertips. “It’s beautiful, what is it called?”

      “Tsharyu. The desert lily. They bloom only on Rahkana. They are all the more beautiful for being as rare as they are. Much like you.”

      “Come on,” Shepard said with a touch of embarrassment, rolling her eyes.

      “It is true,” he insisted.

      “All right. I’m sorry, I’m not good at this kind of thing. But I really care about you too. I don’t have any special present to give you, but I do know that I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. You mean a lot to me, Thane.” Her cheeks had gone even redder as she spoke, but she fixed her gaze determinedly on him. “I want to make the most of the time we have together.”

      Both of their hands finally joined on the tabletop. “You honor me, _Siha._ That is my wish as well.”


	2. An Unexpected Delay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On her way to her date with Thane, Shepard is unexpectedly detained by Kolyat. Prequel to "Desert Lilies"

       Shepard hummed quietly to herself as she strolled across the Presidium, dressed casually in civilian clothing. One perk about working with Cerberus was not having to ask for shore leave like in the military - if she wanted it, she took it. She’d released the crew onto the Citadel, urging everyone to take a break and enjoy themselves. Just as she had been about to leave the airlock, Thane had come up next to her and pressed her hand into his. She smiled at the memory - he was forever coming up with excuses to hold her hand. _Meet me at our cafe in Nasara Ward in a few hours_ , he’d whispered, and then he was gone.

      Now that she’d finished her little errands, she figured she could head down to the ward and meet Thane for lunch. Shepard tried to keep the foolish smile off of her face as she pushed the elevator button, but she caught her reflection in the glass, and saw that it was no good. Her relationship with Thane was so new, and they were just testing the waters between friendship and something more, but it was hard not to feel happy. Having someone who cared for her in the middle of the chaos that was her life was pretty wonderful, to say the least. And in the middle of their life-or-death mission against the Collectors, he wanted to take her on a lunch date. _Can’t blame a girl for feeling swept off her feet,_ Shepard thought as she pushed the elevator button inside.

      The doors were starting to close when someone else slipped through them at the last second. For a second, she thought it was Thane come to join her, but at second glance she realized that this was a different drell. Shepard started to drift into elevator etiquette, staring vaguely out of the glass, but almost immediately realized that the drell was staring at her. The feeling of being watched increased until her skin crawled. Just as she was about to turn to him and ask what his problem was, the drell spoke.

      “Commander Shepard, if I might take a moment of your time….”

      “Kolyat,” she said in surprise, recognizing his voice immediately. She turned and saw that he was wearing a C-Sec uniform and a rather hostile expression. “Is there a problem?”

      The elevator stopped at Nasara Ward and Kolyat stepped out. “Walk with me, Commander.” Shepard barely stifled a laugh. The young drell was obviously trying to imitate the tough cops he’d seen in vids. She decided to humor him. “What’s this about?”

      “This is about you and my father,” he snapped. They walked down a small corridor, free of the hustle and bustle of the Nasara lunch crowd. “What exactly do you think you’re doing to him?”

      “I’m not doing anything to him,” she answered coolly, stopping and crossing her arms. “I don’t know what exactly you’re implying, but I don’t have any bad intentions towards him. He’s my crew-mate and I care about him a lot. That’s it.” She could practically see steam rising out of Kolyat’s head as he fumed.

      “That’s it?” he spat, his voice rising. “That’s it? My father has been soulless since my mother died, and then you come along and all of a sudden he wants to turn everything around! Why wasn’t I - ” he stopped suddenly and turned away, kicking furiously at a piece of trash on the ground.

      “It’s not that you weren’t enough, Kolyat,” Shepard said softly. “Your father has his issues, and I know there’s a rift between the two of you that I have no business with. And I’m not trying to replace your mom, not even close.” She saw his shoulders begin to sag. “You need to know that Thane loves you. You’re one of the things he talks about the most.” She put a hand on his arm and was encouraged when he didn’t shrug it off.

      “Thank you, Commander,” he said stiffly. “I am sorry for taking you down here - it was stupid and impulsive.”

      “Don’t worry about it.” She patted his shoulder again. “Hey, I’m actually meeting your father for lunch down here… do you want to come eat with us?”

      “I… am honored by your offer. But I know that you don’t get much time alone with him. Besides…” he hesitated, then added reluctantly, “my father talks about you a lot to me, too. I can see how much you mean to him. And… I apologize for letting my bitterness get in the way of that.”

      Before Shepard could urge Kolyat to stay, he had disappeared. Like father, like son, she thought wryly. She walked across the street to the cafe where Thane would be waiting, and wondered how she’d explain what had kept her.


	3. Fingertips

      Thane was fascinated by Shepard’s hands. Or more specifically, her fingertips. He remembered the first time she took his hand across the little table in the life support room, and how for a moment he was unable to look away from her long fingers. Drell hands were not clumsy, by any means, but the two fused digits meant a slight loss of dexterity, especially compared with humans. Her fingers closed and meshed around his, stroking her smooth skin against his scales. Later, she had to explain the human concept of holding hands as a sign of closeness and affection, and it was one that he adapted to happily, taking advantage of the custom at every opportunity.

      There were other times he remembered, when they talked late into the sleep cycle and she held both of his hands over the table, stroking her fingertips across the backs of his hands. One night she had grown bolder, sliding first her fingertips and then her palms softly up and down the skin of his arms. A red blush had suddenly bloomed on her cheeks, which he knew to mean embarrassment in humans, and she’d drawn back, removing her lovely fingers from his skin.

      “You do not need to stop,” he said after a pause, struggling to keep himself from stammering. He had not known until that moment just how much he craved her touch, nor how much she had chipped away at his finely honed control.

      “Sorry,” she said quietly. “It’s just… this might sound weird, but I really like the way your skin feels.”

      Thane smiled and reached for her hands again. “You are not alone in that feeling, _Siha_.”


	4. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Suicide Mission, Thane has trouble sleeping.

      Thane did not sleep for two days after they destroyed the Collector base. He was bruised and battered and exhausted, but his memories would not allow him to close his eyes. _Endless gunshots, the constant droning of the seeker swarms, Harbinger’s taunts_. The first night he sat awake in the med bay, being treated for cracked ribs and various burns and he had an excuse for not sleeping. Doctor Chakwas wanted to keep an eye on his Kepral’s, to be sure it hadn’t been exacerbated by all the action.

         The next night was not so easy to pretend. He retired to Shepard’s quarters with her, and for a time he lost himself in her lips and hands and whispers, and felt glad to be alive. But when she drifted off to sleep, curled on her side with her head on his shoulder and her hair tickling his cheek, Thane could not join her. His memories would not be still, insistently prodding at him again and again.

       _Shepard screaming his name as the platforms collapse around them. His heart pounding against his chest like a trapped bird. Ducking behind cover, taking a shot, ducking again. Shepard’s hand closing around his as he falls into the void, snapping her shoulder out of its socket. I’m not letting you go, she snarls, her eyes watering with the effort of holding him up. Tearing back to the Normandy as the base explodes around them, bleeding and gasping but alive._

      Thane shifted to one side, reaching for a datapad lying on the bedside table. If he couldn’t sleep, perhaps reading would be the best distraction. He hadn’t counted on his motions waking Shepard. She tapped him on the chest with one finger before he could turn the datapad on.

      “What are you doing?” she asked sleepily.

       “Go back to sleep, Siha,” he answered quietly, placing a kiss on her forehead. _She has enough of her own burdens without my adding to them._

 

       Instead, Shepard propped herself up on one elbow and squinted at him. “Chakwas said you didn’t sleep last night. I don’t think I’ve seen you sleep since we took out the Collectors.”

      “You and the doctor are more observant than I gave you credit for,” Thane finally answered, at a loss of what to say.

      “You going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

       “… I am unsure of how to put it into words.”

       They lay in silence for a while, until Shepard reached down and grasped his hand. “Do you wish I had let you fall, back at the base?” she asked quietly.

       Thane turned his head to look at her, unable to mask his shock. “Never.” He rolled to face her and pulled her into his arms, planting a kiss on the top of her head. “It is… the opposite,” he said after some thought. “I joined your team fully expecting and even wishing to die on the mission. Now that I’m here with you, I find myself clinging to life. Clinging to you, and wishing that I had more time.”

      “We’ll make the most of the time we have,” Shepard insisted, pulling away a bit to look at him.

      “Yes, we will. But _Siha_ , you have given me something to live for. That means I am afraid of what I have to lose. That is why I could not sleep - I relive every moment of our mission and every moment… is a way that I could have lost you.”

        “Turn over on your stomach,” Shepard said after a few moments of silence. Thane obeyed, wondering what she was doing. Then her fingers, her wonderful, clever fingers, started skating over the scales of his back, barely touching except for the softest tickle. Her touch ranged from the lowest part of his back to the ridged scales on the back of his head, over his shoulders and down his arms. He lost himself in the delicious softness of her fingertips and the way he never knew where she would go next. Almost despite himself, his eyelids began to close.

       “I’m not going anywhere, Thane,” Shepard whispered after a while.

       “I know,” he answered drowsily. He had almost forgotten what they were talking about.

       “Really, though. I just blew up a Collector ship and survived a mission that everyone said would kill me. Nothing is going to keep me from you.” She pulled at his shoulder gently until he turned over and she began stroking his chest. “Rest for me, okay? I’m right here.”

       She laid her head on Thane’s chest and he returned the favor, stroking his hand through her hair. This time, he had no trouble falling asleep.


	5. Visiting Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard visits Thane in the hospital after hours.

        “Ma’am, you shouldn’t be in here,” the nurse protested. “It’s the middle of the night, visiting hours are from - ” She stopped when the woman in BDU’s glanced back at her icily.

      “I’m sure there’s not a problem for a Spectre, is there?” Without waiting for an answer, Shepard turned around and walked through the doors to the inner wards, rolling her eyes as she went. Huerta Memorial was quieter at night, the artificial starlight filtering through only a few of the windows. She stopped for a second outside the door to Thane’s room, taking a quick breath before pushing the door open.

      Thane lay in his hospital bed, covered by a thin blanket. The only sound in the room was his deep breathing and the low hum of the dehumidifiers set in each wall. The moment she stepped into the room, his eyes flickered open and his head snapped towards the door.

     “It’s just me,” Shepard murmured, already pulling her boots off with her feet as she hopped across the room. She crawled carefully into the bed beside him, snuggling under the blanket and curving her body to fit against him. Thane pulled her close and laced his fingers together with hers.

      “How are you feeling?” she whispered after a few minutes.

      Instead of answering, he looked at her with a small smile on his face. “You are here outside of visiting hours.”

      “I’d break any rule to see you, Thane. You know that.” Shepard stroked his chest for a few minutes and snuggled a little closer. “We just got back from Palaven,” she whispered. “It was pretty messed up.”

      “I am here, _Siha_ ,” he answered simply. He held her hand a little tighter and kissed her forehead. There would be time later, perhaps, for her to unburden her heart to him, for him to reassure her that she could get through it. For now, it was enough that she needed him, and he could be there with her.


	6. Dessert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard is appalled that Thane has never tried ice cream.

      “Okay, how many times have you been to the Citadel and you tell me you’ve _never_ tried ice cream?” Shepard turned a little on the couch to face him.

    Thane had to laugh at her a little. “Forgive me. You simply look so incredulous.” He looked over her shoulder at the datapad on her lap, squinting at the picture there. “You say it’s a… dessert?”

      “Yeah something sweet that you usually eat after dinner. Like a treat.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Tell me that the drell eat dessert or I swear I’ll tell Joker to turn this ship around.”

      “Yes, we eat dessert sometimes,” he laughed. “But that looks more like a pile of slop to me.”

      “Please stop, you’re killing me right now,” she groaned, hiding her face in her hands. “Ice cream is the best food in the galaxy, bar none.” She jabbed a finger at the datapad. “That ‘pile of slop’ is a banana split, and we are having one the next time we go the Citadel. No excuses.”

      “Very well. I’d be honored to try it with you. Though it still looks like slop,” he added, unable to hide his smile.

      “I’m not above punching you,” Shepard grumbled, lying down on the couch with her head in his lap. She thumbed through the datapad and sighed happily when he started working his fingers through her hair.

     “So what _are_ some desserts that you eat?” she asked after a few minutes, laying the datapad back down on her lap.

       Thane considered for a moment. “Not many, sad to say. I was not brought up to… indulge. The hanar taught me that food is fuel for the body, nothing more. Later, Irikah used to make wonderful meals. Foods from Rahkana. I feel now that I was not home often enough to enjoy them.”

      “What was your favorite?” Shepard ventured to ask.

      “She used to make a flatbread. It had dried fruit and nuts. We didn’t have it often - the ingredients were difficult to obtain on Kahje. But it was wonderful, when she did make it.”

        They lapsed into a comfortable silence, and Shepard eventually fell asleep with Thane’s fingers still stroking her hair. He put her datapad aside and carried her over to the bed, tucking her in and taking his place beside her after removing his jacket. EDI helpfully turned off the overhead lights in the cabin without being asked, and Thane rolled over to turn off the bedside lamp.

       “Still can’t believe that a desert-faring people never invented ice cream,” Shepard mumbled in her sleep. “You gotta have some ice cream, Thane.”

     “Trust me, if it is all that you claim it is, I will eat nothing else,” he promised, kissing her forehead.


	7. Death and What Comes After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexa Shepard's reaction to Thane's death. Very angsty.

     Shepard leaves the room where they’ve drawn a sheet over Thane’s body. _Guide this one, Kalahira._ She moves slowly, coming to a stop by the sunlit window where they used to sit. She leans her head there, seeing nothing, and slowly kneels to the floor, curling into herself and shutting out the noise of the hospital. _You are a great protector, Siha, but some things are beyond even you._ Were those his last words to her? It has already become hard to remember.

      From far away, she hears a nurse asking if she’s all right, but she doesn’t answer, doesn’t move. When Shepard feels the doctors’ hands on her shoulders, she wrenches away. Some time later Liara comes and gently coaxes her out of the hospital and to a small apartment. She’s grateful that Liara doesn’t try to make her talk. For days she feels outside of her own body and like nothing is real, and the tears still won’t come. _Guide this one to where the lover never leaves._

     “I left him,” Shepard rasps out one night, after too much to drink and too many days without speaking. “I could have saved him.”

      “You don’t know that,” Liara tells her.

      “I could have saved him, but the mission comes first. The mission always comes first.” And Shepard laughs then, bitterness clawing up her throat. The mission came first at Torfan; at Horizon; the Collector base; and the mission came first on the Citadel where she left her lover to bleed out all alone. 

       When she finally finds the strength to leave the apartment, the whole Citadel suddenly feels like a monument to her loss. _We sat on that bench and had lunch. We kissed by that tree. He told me stories by that window. I lay with him in that hospital bed._

The _Normandy_ flies out a few days later, ready for the next mission, and Shepard stands behind Joker at the helm, giving orders and plotting a course. Always looking ahead, because a Commander cannot afford to look back and let grief cloud her judgement. 

       _I’m adrift alone in the stars, but I’ll meet you one day across the sea._


End file.
